Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

http://wp.me/p22SWQ-6a
Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn't for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.
I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn't help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .
Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .
 

Random Rants don't mind me

Ok enough is enough I need to speak my mind..................................
Here's a brief of what's been on my mind once upon a time I had this friend and she was like my bff or so I thought but then I started hanging out with other people and she got all weird and judgmental about me and my life and how I am raising my children keeping my house and living my life ect then she stopped returning my phone calls and acting basically like a B**** and being just plain out right rude and mean to other people she doesn't even know , she yelled in a sister's face about something that she had no business saying and she doesn't even know jack about   I need someone to talk to and right now I have no one I thought B was my friend but she has stabbed me in the back , I guess I should have seen it coming by the way she was acting she never wanted to hang out with me unless it befitted her all she did was use me for her own gain she was never very helpful and she stressed me out I am glad not to have to hear about all the dumb guys she is talking to on the internet .

What upsets me most is she is being mean to M come on M is a toddler be a grown up and stop acting like a child .

If I could say anything to her I thing I would say to B

You are a real bitch all you do is use people for your own gain and when they are no longer of use to you you discard them you don't know how to be a true friend and you are judging me and acting all high and mighty all I ever did was help you and what do I get for it nothing but disrespect and grief you cause stress and you are a horrible babysitter when I pay someone to babysit I expect them to play with and take care of my children not ignore them and leave them in their carseat to cry you were never a friend and your actions have proved that you are what is called a fairweather friend or a frienemy . You are disrespectful when I say Hi  you ignore me so I will not be talking to you why waste my breath and energy .

I pray to Allah that you move out of O so I do not have to see you and because you dislike living in O so much.