New year new post

Ok Ok I guess I should keep up on my blog but been quite busy life has a way of getting in the way and I have been working really hard inshaallah I have been getting my prayers done alhumdullaah
Seen my doctor and been going to physical therapy for my head ache ................................
Had my depression medication adjusted and Alhumdullah have been feeling better the other day I actual cooked just for the joy of cooking and I haven't done that since I don't know when , will post the recipe so others can make it as it is very yummy.
I have cleaned and rearrange my house yet again this time it is super easy to keep clean I have gotten rid of a bunch of clutter now if I could just figure out how to get baby girl to beheave then I'd be all set !
Have been working with early entervition program and her doctor refurred her to a temperment progam and am working with them as well been working on getting her to sleep at a regular time which isn't when ever she wants I gave her a 730pm bed time still working on getting her to go to bed at that time man sleep training is hard as is teething and alot of other things

Hijab Poem

Hijab
Dress in black got it all covered up
They think I'm oppressed
But really who's depress?
I wear to express
... The true color I posses
So the time has come for me to confess
Stop the stereotyping I request
I don't like them fancy dresses
Or public presses
To hear me loud and clear
As my modesty speaks without fear~Author Unknown

 

 

I didn't write this poem but it does explain how I feel so I am posting it

In need of help with deprssion and housework

Ok ok I will admit I need help with my depression , my medication is no longer working and the depression is starting to affect my housework , I keep a clean house it is just when I am depressed I don't keep the house as clean as a muslim is suppose to .
Cleanlness is really big in Islam , one should always have their house super clean you never know when company will drop by .
My friend S called me this morning and said she was coming over , we meet on Saturdays , So I picked up the house washed the dishes and stashed away the toys by the time I got done my baby girl had already messed up the house ah the joy of toddlers.
My friend she came over and brang her MIL ( mother in law) while she my friend was at my house she helped me pick up all the toys and put them away she has the nicest ways of helping without making a person feel bad or more depressed . After I made and served everyone lunch and cleaned up the kitchen we all took the children to the park to play for a few hours then went to pick up our food from the food place . I walked her and her MIL to the bus stop then I came home put the food away and now I am sitting here feel bad about how my house looks I try and try to keep it clean like my husband likes and wants but I feel like I am failing it seems like when ever I turn around the housework has stacked up I feel so depressed I have gotten rid of everything I don't use and put everything in its place but everything seems to move as if it has legs of its own .
I will admit I need help with both my depression and my housework I have a doctors appointment inshaallah next week .
I will be working out a daily task list and also a weekly list so as to be able to keep the house sparkle clean inshaallah

Retiring my favorite Hijab

Ok I know this is going to sound corny but I have a favorite hijab I wear it all the time I guess you can call it my go to hijab.
 It is a one piece pull on kind , the color is dark black/navy blue with lace on the headband part and bottom.
I have had this hijab for years and it is well worn you can tell by looking at the lace work on the bottom it is showing the wear and the lace has come undone.
I remember when I first got the hijab>
 I didn't much care for it as it was a short one I was thinking what am I going to do with such a short hijab ( at the time I was wearing very long 2 piece hijabs ) and so I threw it in my Hijab drawer and basically I forgot about it.
Then 2 years ago I changed the way I wore hijab .
When I first started wearing hijab I always wore them really long and over my clothes which has some good points as it covers everything.
But it also has a downside as in I'd spill lots of things on my hijabs , yeah I will admit that I am clumsy when it comes to food and drinks then add into that being pregnant and you have a huge recipe for huge mess and some embarrassing moments  .
Then one day I had no long hijabs clean so I grabbed the first solid color hijab I could find and it happened to be a one piece with lace on the front head part and bottom.but it was short it ended at the top of my shoulders so I tucked it into my jilaba  and thus a new fashion of connivance was born .
Yes I am all about easy and comfort when it comes to my hijabs ..........................
I have no patience for wrapping and pinning and I do not care for bright colors , sparkly babbles or bling on my hijabs, for others if they want to wear it be my guest just don't try to make me wear it .
My hijab style is the plainer the better , yeah yeah I know I sound so boring but I have never been one to stand out .

trying something new

Ok so I know the first few posts have been kinda whiny and depressing so I will try to highlight the positive in my life I have come to realize that whining and griping is not going to help me grow in my faith and deen as well as help me over come my feelings of depression and pain.
Just how I will do this I haven't figured out all the details so I guess I will try several things and what works I'll keep doing what doesn't work I will discard yeah I know sounds a lot like life ..........................
I will inshaallah be back later to update my post this is all for now..................
Today was a great day I got to hang out with my friend and go on a long walk with the children
my head ache seems to be a bit better it is not as bad as yesterday and inshaallah it will go away soon

becoming a Moroccan housewife

Ok I have been fighting becoming a stay at home mom and housewife !
Yeah I know some people long to stay home and keep house other are wrapped up in their careers, then there are those who don't have a choice in the matter and either have to work full time or part time to ear earn a living .
I have a choice and my choice is to stay home and raise the children .......................
A bit of background so you will know were I am coming from I was born and raised in the usa my childhood was far from normal , lets just leave the childhood at that best leave the past in the past no need to open old wounds and hurts.
I reverted to Islam in 2004 and the next three years were a trying time in my life.
I married a Moroccan in 2006 and then set about life as normal worked crazy hours for the next few years in 2008 had surgery to untwist my tubes also was in a car accident 3 days after the surgery the car accident messed up my back , neck and hip have seen countless doctors and no one can find a way to relief the pain .
Had a daughter in 2009 and after 3 months on leave returned to work but decided that the work was to much  on top of breastfeeding and caring for a infant , also have always struggled with depression all my life . When my daughter was 8 months old I got pregnant it just happened one day I was fine and busy with life then the next I was pregnant and barfing over the smell of everything the first part of the pregnancy was rough had a cyst and something called a subchorionic hematoma which is a scary way of saying a blood blister inside between the uterus and the placenta and I was on bed rest for a while which is really hard with a very mobile baby who is learning to walk .  now I have a healthy baby boy he was born 2 days after my birthday , my daughter and son are 17 months apart and for the first 6 months of my son's life his sister disliked him and would be mean to him now she has finally accepted him and plays with him but her idea of play isn't always nice she loves to play rough and tumble .
I will be posting about my struggles on becoming a housewife and stay at home mom