winter update

Life has a way of getting in the way of my blog I am sorry that life has been so chatioc that I was unable to blog for a while ..................
here is a brief update on my life so far I have seen the doctor for my head ache and started physical therapy for my head ache it has helped zip head ache is still here ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have seen a mental health person and she has increased my dosage of medication doesn't seem to have done anything but medication takes time to work.
Both children have been sick with a nasty virus and we had alot of winter weather had some snow and a bunch of rain then alot of flooding so been stuck in the house with 2 sick cranky stair crazy children.

I feel like I have no friends here I mean there are people who I chat with online but that is the extent of our friendship.
I lack a support system here I don't have anyone I can rely on if I need to I feel lost and adrift .
I feel like the muslim sisters here have formed their own groups of friends and they are in some ways cliquie I don't really feel like I have any friends ..................................................................
I haven't been sleeping well I have tried working on my sleep I go to bed at the same time every night I sleep poorly I have weird and scary dreams and when I wake my whole body is sore and stiff , my body aches and my joints and mucsles and bones make popping and cracking sounds

Update on depression

Ok ok I know it has been a while since I have posted I have been busy getting the runaround I have a appointment inshaallah with the doctor on January 3rd to talk about my depression yeah I know it is almost a week away but it was the very first appointment they had ..................................................
Still trying to figure out the head ache thing so far physical therapy hasn't help any pain still there so is the nausated and dizzness , blood tests came back normal so not that now just have to go step by step feel like a rat on a wheel sometimes .....................................................
Still struggling with my prayers Allah help me find the path back to prayer why is it so hard to pray .............................Why does my mind dart from one thing to another???????????????? What is going on why do I alway feel so dam tired and am not able to sleep ?
Been better at house cleaning but still feel so sad and lonely as well as unable to sleep .
I seek refuge in Allah

Hijab Poem

Hijab
Dress in black got it all covered up
They think I'm oppressed
But really who's depress?
I wear to express
... The true color I posses
So the time has come for me to confess
Stop the stereotyping I request
I don't like them fancy dresses
Or public presses
To hear me loud and clear
As my modesty speaks without fear~Author Unknown

 

 

I didn't write this poem but it does explain how I feel so I am posting it

In need of help with deprssion and housework

Ok ok I will admit I need help with my depression , my medication is no longer working and the depression is starting to affect my housework , I keep a clean house it is just when I am depressed I don't keep the house as clean as a muslim is suppose to .
Cleanlness is really big in Islam , one should always have their house super clean you never know when company will drop by .
My friend S called me this morning and said she was coming over , we meet on Saturdays , So I picked up the house washed the dishes and stashed away the toys by the time I got done my baby girl had already messed up the house ah the joy of toddlers.
My friend she came over and brang her MIL ( mother in law) while she my friend was at my house she helped me pick up all the toys and put them away she has the nicest ways of helping without making a person feel bad or more depressed . After I made and served everyone lunch and cleaned up the kitchen we all took the children to the park to play for a few hours then went to pick up our food from the food place . I walked her and her MIL to the bus stop then I came home put the food away and now I am sitting here feel bad about how my house looks I try and try to keep it clean like my husband likes and wants but I feel like I am failing it seems like when ever I turn around the housework has stacked up I feel so depressed I have gotten rid of everything I don't use and put everything in its place but everything seems to move as if it has legs of its own .
I will admit I need help with both my depression and my housework I have a doctors appointment inshaallah next week .
I will be working out a daily task list and also a weekly list so as to be able to keep the house sparkle clean inshaallah

beyond winter blues

Ok Ok I know I haven't posted in a while but I have been battling depression and pain yes I still have this head ache it is never ending I have tried rubbing icy hot into my neck and temples but it doesn't help neither does taking pain medication so I am at my wits end physical therapy excises do nothing to help the pain.
Lately I have just been sitting on the couch and holding my head not much of a life I know .
Doctors don't seem to know how to relieve the pain ....................................................


Oh yeah Aunt Flo showed up yesterday so on top of my head ache that never ends I now have the cramps and backache of that time of month to be honest I just feel plain old depressed wore out and tired but sleep doesn't help not one bit anyway I haven't been sleeping just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling because I can't turn off my mind my thoughts just race around and around like a cat chasing it's tail.